Lack of Identity & Purpose

Do you ever feel like a misfit?

Everything inside you is dark and twisted…

– Ava Max – So Am I

Feel like am currently going through an existential crisis whereas I feel I have no place on this planet and I don’t have an identity. I observe that most people have a pretty solid identity, they have a job, a purpose for their lives, a meaningful social life and feel loved. I on the other don’t have these. Due to having a criminal record as a result of a significant manic episode I now live my life as a struggle. I receive state benefits. I usually go two days a week without eating as I cannot afford to feed myself after I have spent the money on food and lunch boxes for my kids and I cannot afford to do any travelling whatsoever (Which isn’t too much of a worry as am currently on House Arrest).

For the past month or so I have been trying to rebuild my mind and find something I could do career wise. All my past experiences and degree are now irrelevant as my criminal record doesn’t allow me to go back into that career path. It also doesn’t allow me to enter any government jobs or jobs that involve a criminal record check. So on that information you can see I am quite restricted, hence don’t really have any identity or purpose at the moment.

Is anyone else in a similar situation, or maybe you have been in the past. What are some of the things you did to get your identity and purpose for life back?

2 comments

  1. Okay, I can get you through this. I had the same feeling back in 2014 in a psychotic manic break from reality in which I felt the essence of who I am was pulled from my body and placed upon the Throne of God. Getting put back in by body completely stripped all knowledge and awareness of the person I was from my awareness. I was a blank slate that needed notes and definitions.

    And one of the first things I thought when I started piecing things together was how entirely far along other people were. But that brings to mind this meme that said, “The fastest way to kill something special is to compare it to something else.” You aren’t those other people. Thinking yourself less than they are isn’t going to do a thing towards helping you feel better about yourself.

    I believe the first step to feeling better is finding that you are uniquely special in this wondrous universe and that your uniqueness is up for you to define. So start to define what it is that makes you so special and start to find your place among Existence. There may be so many people on this planet but not one of them has your life, your experiences, your perception, your understanding and growth. You are the only you there is ever going to be. Let’s not spend time thinking you are less than some other person on a similar journey as your own.

    I have been where you are at when you have children to provide for and not enough money to get what everyone needs to have full and nutritioned bellies. So to that affect I recommend finding a way to make fasting a regular part of your schedule. Since you can’t count on enough money to get you every meal during the week, you can pick and choose what meals you will take in. Choose the part of the day when you feel your energy will be lagging and get something that gets you both calories and is enjoyable to take in. Keep it simple. I like ramen (20 cents a pack) or PB&Js or TunaFish Sandwiches. A big meal is two packs of Ramen. Two PB&J is a good filling eat. One can of tuna with some mayonnaise makes for a delicious fulfilling meal. Simple foods but can fill the belly in a yummy way that gives calories and a little nutrition. I have been working on fasting for awhile now and I don’t really eat much at all anymore. Because I am against a society that allows for its members to starve while good food is wasted on the shelves of stores waiting for money to exchange hands. I would much rather abstain from food than be a part of the population that shoves their faces full without considering those who are actually going with less. I’m sorry you are part that is having to go with less. Believe me when I say you are special amongst society for the Grand Divine has chosen you to be the example that opens people’s eyes to the depth and depravity people sink to in their quest to profit from people’s needs. I see your specialness even if you aren’t able to appreciate it for what it is.

    I would recommend rather than worrying about finding a new career, first put your mind back together. You aren’t going to be any kinds of helpful in a new career while you feel your mind is out of control. Take the time you have to learn your new mind and learn to live with the person you are finding yourself to be. I think when you start to feel more comfortable being you it will be easier to imagine yourself in a new career. Perhaps even the process of calming your mind will help you better align yourself with your place in the Universe.

    I am sorry you are in this place. When I was there I referred to it as the Wilderness for everything seemed chaotic and out of control, which was wholly separate and different from what reality used to be. I’ve learned to ride the waves of chaos. It is possible.

    It merely starts with retraining your mind to think positively.

    Every thought you have is a chance to think a happier thought. The happier your thoughts the more positive your perspective. The more positive your perspective, the more fulfilling your reality feels. Thus making everything better by doing nothing than thinking yourself into a better mood.

    Liked by 1 person

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