Suicidal Ideation

Suicidal Ideation has been at the forefront of my mind for the past two weeks. Every-time there is a break in my mind a little, nasty, thought of killing myself creeps in to take away the nice thoughts I was having. The suicidal thoughts tend to focus on how I have ruined my career, hurt many people and I just want it to end. Each thought makes me feel like I have hit rock bottom.

The lorazepam suppresses the thoughts ever so slightly, plus having my kids with me puts a stop to the thoughts, my only worry being when they are gone. I am unemployed due to my bipolar and live alone for the majority of the week. I have no friends to talk to, my only friend being my defiant mind that is trying to see me off.

How do you guys deal with the thoughts?

4 comments

  1. I was in the middle of just that before my meds got changed. I was scared of my thoughts because they were too often so real a possibility. I credit writing on my blog along with family keeping me here. I know how it feels like a burden to others to reach out but sometimes we have to. Oh and I took one breath at a time and this time I got through it. I wish we could sit in a cafe and talk about it as I have so much to say in your value and just having someone who understands would be nice but there is a couple oceans to contend with đŸ˜€ sending a big internet hug. I’m in a good spot right now and I’m thankful but I also know it can change in a quick minute

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I didn’t mean to comment that. I was trying to share something and that happened. My apologies. I was trying to say what you said is completely relatable to me. I’m bipolar as well, along with BPD and the thoughts are very overwhelming. If you need to talk to someone that could understand, you can always reach out on my blog! I know it’s very lonely not having someone to talk to.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I understand this and can relate so much. The suicidal ideation is often exhausting. And as of lately, my mind goes as far as planning and considering execution of taking my life. It is the scariest and loneliest place I have ever been.

    Like

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