I May Be Borderline Schizophrenia

My thoughts over the past few days lead me to believe that I could have some schizophrenia tendencies. Even when I look back on the past few years I see those tendencies.

The main culprit is losing track of reality and having voices not my own in my head. I often believe the world is going to end and just a few survivors will be left, me being one of them. This is a common idea that floats throught my mind, as is the thought of an independence day type attack in which I am central to helping them solve the problem. At all times its the other me, the other voice in my head that comes up with these stories.

Then I wake from my daydream and release I am still here.

Anyone familiar with said delusions, could be be schizophrenia, I see my psychiatrist in about 10 days so I better tell her.

All the while I will just plod on one day at a time, surviving, not thriving.

7 comments

  1. Hi.Figured I’d toss my two cents in too.

    What does the voice (or voices) sound like for you? That may play a key in getting diagnosed as well, if that’s the path you wish to take. Mine are both internal and external. Externally the voice will be female usually, and quite mocking. She laughs a lot at things I think or things I say. The internal ones sometimes feed into my own anxieties and beliefs. They are particular: they are not in the voice I’m using to read back my writing–you know, the voice everyone has. They are generally male, or at least deeper than my own inner voice, and they are not my own thoughts as I do not prompt them. They say random things (like “Dead man Walking” or “Clean up on Aisle 5”. That one had my laughing my ass off), but are also usually darker. I will also experience hearing people’s voices who I know. When I’m talking with that person, I will often hear a completely different conversation than what we’re having. It’s been happening a lot recently, and messing me up at work lol.

    I haven’t gone into detail with any of my past doctors about what my voices say. I’ve told them I hear them, but I won’t go any further than that.

    Hearing voices isn’t always a sign or symptom of a disorder, either. It could be a response to something external going on in your environment. But I’ll say that with caution considering I know nothing about you or your life. I’ve had 7 different diagnoses in 8 years. So I’ve learned to turn to other explanations too.

    Explaining your thought process without labeling it *first* to your psychiatrist would help get as unbiased of an opinion as you can. Then, if you feel like they’re not taking you serious, mention your feelings towards noticing parallels between your thought process and the average tendencies of people who receive a schizophrenia diagnosis.

    Also, hey, just to put your thoughts in context: sometimes it really does seem like the world is going to end with all the trauma and terror and fear and pain going on right now. Your thoughts to me are a completely appropriate response. When that major shooting happened in Las Vegas, my anxiety turned into delusion: he’d been possessed by demons (particular ones following me at the time) and had shot up that music festival as a sign to me, that they were coming after me, and I started seeing crazy shit, people’s heads turning around on their shoulders, felt demonic presence in every person I passed (well, most people not all) and thought they’d gotten to my coworkers too. It’s a long story. So just because the thoughts are out there, doesn’t mean they’re not rooted in reality and true, logical fear.

    Also, if you’re kind of noting their unrealisticness, or noticing that they’re illogical, that kind of negates the definition of a delusion.

    Sorry for the long post. I just resonated with yours. And figured I’d jump in too. Good luck at your psychiatrist appointment.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Whatever it is, it isn’t the end of the world.

    I had apocalypse delusions in 1991, the year I was diagnosed. Also I could not play rock music without having Satan delusions from 2000 until recently.

    Do you have frequent religious thoughts? Are they uncommon for you? Did you grow up religious, so that the ideas come from out of nowhere?

    I have schizophrenia and I live with it okay.

    Again, not the end of the world.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s probably Bipolar 1 psychosis like mine. I can get similar thoughts. I don’t hear or see things externally though. Zyprexa takes it away, but if my Grave’s disease is active and I’m hyperthyroid like now…my thoughts can skew toward bizarre. Anxiety is also a trigger…and PTSD. I sometimes laugh at myself and remind myself that no crazy thoughts have happened in real life.

    Liked by 1 person

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