I think I knew all along. Actually, I know for certain. I don’t know exactly what day I first had it, birth maybe, however I do know when I became aware of it and when it became a huge problem.
It was the day my marriage broke down. That’s about two years ago now. I remember we were just sitting there and she said “I can’t do this anymore, I want you to leave”. Just like that, the Bipolar came into view. After that conversation I moved into the garage, and proceeded to go on a spending spree fit for rich people. I spent over $40,000 purchasing stuff for my new place, even bought a car. Four months later I went bankrupt, but I had my own place to live in, small, but sufficient.
Then I spend a few months being one with the Tinder meeting new people, having a few girlfriends, they didn’t last, except the current one she’s different and she has stuck by me. She’s the real MVP.
So I’ve read that PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) is a common life trigger which can cause Bipolar to manifest and show its face. For me the marriage breakup was what caused me to have PTSD, I didn’t think it was related to that but now as time goes on and my mind begins to recover I am pretty sure the bipolar got excited during this time.
The destruction the Bipolar caused was huge! I was in an ultimate state of mania for over a year. Wasting money, engaging in illegal activities and just being a general dick to some people. However, I was the life of the party, got all the invitations and had a great time drinking alcohol by the gallons.
Then that day came in January. I crashed, and I burned! My world came falling apart, probably because all the things I did when manic. The depression ripped through my body, the suicidal thoughts riding in on waves and the gratification of self harm. This was not me anymore, somebody else had taken over my body.
And that’s a wrap, don’t forget to read some of my earlier posts if you’re interested in my story. Otherwise, thanks for reading this one. It is hard for me to admit that it was my marriage was the factor in causing PTSD, and enhancing my Bipolar I Disorder.
But now I am recovering, and for me that is all I need.