Racing Thoughts

Not a doctor-just my stories

So I talk a lot, I talk fast, sometimes my mouth can’t keep up with my brain and I jump to a third sentence when the first two are still in my head. Sometimes I catch myself when I am about to tangent and I announce to my husband that I am “jumping” meaning I am about to wildly change topics.

I have had mood disorders since I was a kid, not really diagnosed until I was forty-five when I first heard the term racing thoughts. Basically, my brain can go into overdrive, thoughts pinging and careening, I now imagine my brain like a pinball machine. It does not mean I am more intelligent, mostly it makes me tired, and sometimes very loud when I am happy or excited.

I am bipolar a term I hate, so many variations in symptoms. Most of the time I am not manic or depressed. I can have heightened anxiety, heightened empathy causing anxiety or panic from things I have read or seen that don’t relate to me directly, looping thoughts I can’t stop, but I am not running around in a garbage bag punching people like Bradley Cooper in Silver Linings Playbook (good movie, good book) or a spy? Never seen Homeland.

I recently read that polar bears are from the north pole and penguins from the south pole (and some temperate zones) so unless they are in a zoo would never meet in the wild. (This is probably something I should have known but I saw it on a poster in a children’s room in the library and had an aha moment for a blog) Most of the time I am neither up (polar bear) or down (penguin) I shoot for the equator but I might refer to my animal friends sometimes in posts to express how I am feeling.

I take some anxiety meds and a mood stabiliser. I am also pre-menopausal now, main symptoms–you guessed it mood swings, just like bipolar symptoms. Really? Cosmic joke? Am I bipolaring or hormoning right now? Does it matter? Probably not, I overthink it.

I am going to write about my thoughts, musings, or intrusive thoughts (what I call going dark where the least likely scenario is the one I think might happen and I worry about it) I operate from least likely to most likely. If I could reverse it, well, less tired. I look at most of these thoughts and feelings with humor which works for me although mental health issues are no joke.

I have a good life, loving husband, two dogs, a job I love, librarian. No complaints but getting my zooming thoughts down somewhere would be therapeutic. Good for me maybe of some interest to others. So here we go off to the racing thoughts.



  1. Wonderful post, I particularly enjoyed this statement “Most of the time I am neither up (polar bear) or down (penguin) I shoot for the equator but I might refer to my animal friends sometimes in posts to express how I am feeling.” This is something I will refer to myself in future. Love it! and thanks for writing on the blog.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.