I am writing this today as I have personally been in the position of feeling suicidal, the thoughts racing through my head, then the result being self-harm, why, because the real thing scares the hell out of me for a very good reason.

As an ambulance officer I have been called to many suicides, and let me tell you they are not pain-free when you take your life. From, the ones who have survived, the pain they go through physically (If ingestion of pills) intense to the point we have to consider ketamine as a pain reliever.

I know from personally experience when you’re wanting to commit suicide its because you feel lost, useless or that nobody cares anymore. The truth is you’re wrong, sorry about that. There is always somebody who cares, you may not know them yet, but they care. The ambulance staff care, the hospital staff care, I care and the mental health team care…the list goes on. By successfully committing suicide you have then gone on to cause all those people to feel the pain of your actions. Your family, friends and acquaintances will all feel that pain, even if you think they won’t. The fact is they will.

Suicide is not the way a way to take the pain away, getting help is. I can only talk about my own story, I hit rock bottom, had no friends or any family were I live. I thought about suicide, but then I remembered what about all those people who care about me, do I want to hurt them, no!

So if you’re feeling low or suicidal and you live in New Zealand you can talk to training mental health expert for free, even if you have no credit on your phone, plus its confidential. So don’t sit and suffer, be brave, make that first call to help yourself, you won’t regret it. I can vouch for that, I’ve been there myself.