Mania, Mania, Where are You

I think I really enjoyed the manic mood phase in my bipolar, sure I did some crazy things, such as amass over $60,000 of debt, go bankrupt and cause a marriage to end. But at-least I was happy and productive. Now that my psychiatrist seems to have got me on the correct medication to manage my mood (Lithium & Olanzapine) I feel just below what I would say is a normal mood.

I feel slightly depressed, not-hugely depressed, just a little bit that is enough to make me not want to do anything. There is washing hanging on the line, clothes yet to be put away, kids rooms to be cleaned. The list just goes on. When I was manic I would have had all these done within an hour. Today though I just sit here thinking about them, hoping that by some magic a fairy comes and does them all for me.

I forgot what it was like to be normal, it sucks in my opinion. I would rather be slightly manic all the time so I have energy and drive. Does anyone else have a similar experience they would like to share?

4 comments

  1. I have Bipolar II which is more of manic depression but on my manic high days, I could get a huge list of things done with very little sleep. However, my depression keeps me from doing these things most of the time. Getting out of bed is my #1 goal most days. I’m on a cocktail of medication which should help but I feel so “blah” most days. I can’t go on lithium because I was born with only one kidney and it’s the only bipolar medication filtered through your kidney. So yep, I’m struggling too.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I enjoy the energy and drive from mania, but I don’t enjoy the feeling of mania, if that makes any sense. I feel naughty while manic, and I want to do bad things. And locking those feelings down is agony.

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  3. Oh gosh, yes. In my manic phases I can achieve a lot. My house is clean, my work gets done, I can write and everything feels great. In a depressive phase right now, we’ll, actually it moved to the numb part and I can’t do anything but sit around waiting for it to end. At least when I was depressed, I could still write if nothing else. It’s strange, but reading others experiences helps, so thank you for sharing with us.

    Liked by 1 person

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