Bipolar & Money

Photo by Niels Steeman on Unsplash

After recently reading about somebody else who has a similar impulse to shopping as I do, I though I wonder if this is a more common problem amongst bipolar sufferers?

Me personally have been inflicted with the burden of being driven by money. I love money, I love spending money and I love the happiness it brings when I purchase random things I never use.

Money to me is like the great ring of power to Golem in Lord of the Rings.

– My thinking on money

My first memory of being reckless with money was about 15 years ago. I worked for an outdoor education company, whom shall not be named. During my time there I worked my way up the career ladder, ending up as one of the managers in charge of technology. That was the downfall.

I had in my possession a significant amount of technology, my mind believed that none of this was important to the company and therefore would not be missed. So I sold it all. I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong, the company didn’t need it so wouldn’t miss it.

All this money coming in really sparked my mania (only now I know it was mania). I would purchase everything I could possibly want, clothes, technology and food, lots of unnecessary food. I would also pay for all my friends when going out drinking, I felt invincible. The taste of money had started trickling through my blood. Money had consumed me, it had changed me, it had turned me into Golem.

Within a few months it all came down crashing. Police were called to investigate me and find out where all their technology had gone. I eloped and moved back to my home city to escape it all. I didn’t escape and was later cautioned. Obviously I lost my job.

Now fifteen years later I can attribute many of my job losses to similar experiences to the above. Money to me is dangerous, it corrupts me and it makes my bipolar become intense.

These days I still have minor problems with money, I buy lots of random groceries, thinking well they could be handy if the world will end.

The difference is now I have my diagnosis, I have started treatment and I hope that this helps keep the draw of money at bay. I don’t want to be consumed that much by money that I turn into a real life Golem.

Money is the bearer of darkness, it is the cloud that blocks out the light and it is the manifestation of evil. It takes a strong mind to clear the horizon of clouds and allow the light to shine through.

– My own thinking on how money corrupts

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