After recently reading about somebody else who has a similar impulse to shopping as I do, I though I wonder if this is a more common problem amongst bipolar sufferers?
Me personally have been inflicted with the burden of being driven by money. I love money, I love spending money and I love the happiness it brings when I purchase random things I never use.
Money to me is like the great ring of power to Golem in Lord of the Rings.– My thinking on money
My first memory of being reckless with money was about 15 years ago. I worked for an outdoor education company, whom shall not be named. During my time there I worked my way up the career ladder, ending up as one of the managers in charge of technology. That was the downfall.
I had in my possession a significant amount of technology, my mind believed that none of this was important to the company and therefore would not be missed. So I sold it all. I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong, the company didn’t need it so wouldn’t miss it.
All this money coming in really sparked my mania (only now I know it was mania). I would purchase everything I could possibly want, clothes, technology and food, lots of unnecessary food. I would also pay for all my friends when going out drinking, I felt invincible. The taste of money had started trickling through my blood. Money had consumed me, it had changed me, it had turned me into Golem.
Within a few months it all came down crashing. Police were called to investigate me and find out where all their technology had gone. I eloped and moved back to my home city to escape it all. I didn’t escape and was later cautioned. Obviously I lost my job.
Now fifteen years later I can attribute many of my job losses to similar experiences to the above. Money to me is dangerous, it corrupts me and it makes my bipolar become intense.
These days I still have minor problems with money, I buy lots of random groceries, thinking well they could be handy if the world will end.
The difference is now I have my diagnosis, I have started treatment and I hope that this helps keep the draw of money at bay. I don’t want to be consumed that much by money that I turn into a real life Golem.
Money is the bearer of darkness, it is the cloud that blocks out the light and it is the manifestation of evil. It takes a strong mind to clear the horizon of clouds and allow the light to shine through.– My own thinking on how money corrupts